OSMSSR: Episode 132 – A Couple Made for Each Other! Usagi and Mamoru’s Love

Aw, who cares, you’ll all be out scrambling for deals on video games and stuff anyway.132-title
This episode begins with two… pals (yeah, pals) Kobayashi and Saori walking together to Mamoru’s place. They’re old college buddies of his, and are visiting because then this episode wouldn’t have a one-shot character for the Amazon Trio to incompetently target. The two banter about how guys’ rooms are always messy. Of course, Mamoru’s apartment is clean, so Kobayashi has “lost faith in him”. Whatever that means. The two know that Mamoru has a steady girlfriend, so they’re looking forward to that, too. If only they knew…

Too bad they forgot to bring the Tea Tea.

Too bad they forgot to bring the Tea Tea.

As Mamoru and Saori strike up some casual friendly conversation, Kobayashi pries around for pictures of Mamoru and his girlfriend. Because college buddies are like that. But he doesn’t have to wait long to meet this mysterious girl, because Usagi is right at the front door, spamming the doorbell. Apparently, this was all because Kobayashi has noticed that Saori’s lipstick is a different color every time she sees Mamoru. That was basically a lot of words for, “Love triangle. Hilarity ensues.” And now it’s time for the big reveal:

Nope. There is no way anyone would misunderstand.

Nope. There is no way anyone would misunderstand.

Saori and Kobayashi are a little… disoriented to see who Mamoru is dating, especially since their first scene in this episode is them fighting over Mamoru, as usual. Upon seeing how immature they are, Saori takes this to mean that they are friends who have precocious crushes on Mamoru, and he simply plays along for the heck of it.

The bare minimum requirements for a human face. Check.

The bare minimum requirements for a human face? Check.

So, Kobayashi converses with Usagi and gets to know her a little better, specifically that she likes cake and is kind of a ditz. Chibiusa inquires exactly what relationship Saori has with Mamoru. She simply says that they are friends from high school and college, and that’s it. Mamoru uses this as a means to segue into Saori’s dreams of becoming a female police commissioner. Was such a thing still unheard of at this time? Chibiusa suspects that Mamoru knows a little too much about Saori for being just college buddies. Yeah, because this series is all about how friends never tell their dreams to each other.

Chibiusa just went full Chibiusa. Never let Chibiusa go full Chibiusa.

Chibiusa just went full Chibiusa. Never let Chibiusa go full Chibiusa.

And now we go back to our incompetent villains, who (shocker!) are thinking of targeting Saori next. They reason out that she is the type who prepares for class and reviews what she learned after class. Was this supposed to be subliminal messaging to try and improve kids’ study habits? That description just seems awkward and phoned in. Since Saori should be fairly out of her element when it comes to romance, Tiger’s Eye decides that she is his type. At this point we have to wonder who isn’t his type. This whole “evil villain” thing is starting to sound more like compensation than anything else.

I finally realized that this is the most successful that any of the Trio have ever been at getting girls. Now that's pathetic.

And with that, he’s been kissed more times than I have.

Meanwhile, Usagi is at a store, doing important Sailor Senshi things like trying to choose which stuffed animal to buy. Chibiusa is still going full Chibiusa, and is pretty pissed at Usagi for being a walking first world problem. Chibiusa asks Usagi if she ever worries about stuff like her happiness. Usagi responds that she does; for instance, right now she’s worried whether the stuffed hippo or stuffed horse will make her more happy. That response… is brilliant. I have to use that kind of reasoning whenever someone asks me about my happiness.

In addition, Usagi has gone full... Charile from Mr. Magoo?

In addition, Usagi has gone full Charile from Mr. Magoo.

Meanwhile, Saori is hanging out alone, a perfectly convenient time for Tiger’s Eye to disguise himself as an English-speaking foreigner who is obviously not a foreigner because of his Japanese accent. Which raises further questions about how Zirconia’s circus knows Japanese and speaks it like natives anyway. He pretends that his guide is late, and that he can’t do anything in Japan without his guide (despite him speaking perfect Japanese). He basically forgets his foreign disguise (“foreign” here meaning with large round glasses) and straight up asks Saori out. She mentions that she’s already waiting for someone, resulting in another epic Tiger’s Eye ham attack. Turns out Saori was waiting for Mamoru, so now Tiger’s Eye is out for blood! And by blood, I mean dreams!

I haven't read Tolkien in almost a week!

I haven’t read Tolkien in almost a week!

Once again, Hawk’s Eye and Fisheye are right around the corner (in full villain getup in broad daylight, no less), laughing at Tiger’s Eye again. Tiger’s Eye decides that since she already has a guy, rather than pick her up the old fashioned way, just use force. I’d make a a joke here, but I couldn’t think of any that wouldn’t sound completely wrong.

Next, a scene is shown of Mamoru breaking up with Usagi, and leaving with his true love, Saori. Devastated, Usagi begs Mamoru to come back, but he can’t deny his true feelings. And So Chibiusa disappears, having never existed. The end. No, of course not, it’s a dream sequence that Chibiusa has thought up with her overactive imagination. As luck would have it, as she’s running back to Usagi, she sees Mamoru and Saori walking together, and a misunderstanding is born. Chibiusa’s not the only one, however. Kobayashi is watching, too! How will this incredibly interesting and not at all predictable plot play out in the end? Find out after these messages!

So that's the meaning of the universe!

Cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!

After the commercial break, it is revealed that Mamoru is actually assisting Saori with some shopping that she’s doing for some guy (I sure wonder who that is). Meanwhile, Chibiusa and Kobayashi are walking behind them, still spying on them. Kobayashi mentions that the two were voted “best couple” in college, and laments that he might still have had a chance with Saori if Mamoru’s girlfriend wasn’t, well, you know, friggin’ Usagi Tsukino. Chibiusa tells Kobayashi not to give up, and cheers him on. Loudly. Of course, if it’s for one’s continued existence, anyone would go crazy.

You just don't make that face when describing children, guy!

You just don’t make that face when describing children, guy!

Meanwhile, we return to the even more riveting plot of Usagi choosing between the stuffed hippo and the stuffed horse. Chibiusa is there to bring Usagi back to reality by telling her that if she continues to be like that, Saori will win over Mamoru for sure. And more importantly, Chibiusa won’t be born, and we all know that her not being born would be such a big loss to everyone. In a really awesome bait and switch scene, Usagi pretends to cry about this, and then abruptly says, “Just kidding!” and says that Mamoru will always love her no matter what. Hilarious and adorable. But mostly adorable.

Chibiusa's birth is definitely a first world problem in my book.

She looks so happy knowing Chibiusa will disappear.

Meanwhile, Mamoru and Saori have bought a tie, and Mamoru is inquiring who she will give the tie to. But in the middle of this banter, Tiger’s Eye the strangely Japanese-accented foreigner is back. And he says, “You are my target” in English. I don’t know what it is, but that just sounds so badass that way. Anyway, the usual targeting stuff occurs, and Mamoru tries to run and help Saori, which goes as well as anything ever goes for Mamoru (as in, he gets his ass handed to him). Tiger’s Eye also throws a bunch of knives at him, which serve to pin him to some stone steps. And what was stopping you from killing Mamoru outright? Whatever, kids’ show, moving on.

Boss, I dozed off before the deadline. Will you still accept this frame?

Sorry, boss, I dozed off before the deadline. Will you still accept this frame?

So Chibiusa and Usagi are finally back, and seeing Tiger’s Eye peeking at Saori’s… dreams, they transform. Tiger’s Eye’s Lemure this time around is the “balloon girl”, Puko. “Balloon girl” in this case could either mean an inflatable girl, or a really fat girl. This is Sailor Moon, so of course it’s the former. Not that there’s anything wrong with being the latter, mind you! This may seem like another jokey slapstick Super S monster, but Puko attacks people by smothering them and suffocating them. That’s… that’s terrifying! It would be even more so if Puko really was a fat girl!

Sailor Moon catering to every possible fetish.

Sailor Moon catering to every possible fetish.

However, Puko decides to ditch Chibi Moon and go after Saori instead because Saori is “beautiful”. Great, now even the freakin’ Lemures are attacking only people they find attractive? How could the villains of this season find ways to sink even lower? And unfortunately for poor Mamoru, Puko is apprently a bisexual, because she suddenly goes after him midway through. Damn, being dashingly handsome really is more a curse than a gift. Thank goodness I was spared.

And you DON'T wanna know where balloon girl hit.

And you DON’T wanna know where balloon girl hit.

However, before Puko can make it to Mamoru, Sailor Moon swoops down to act as a meat shield. Now that’s quite a role reversal, because normally a meat shield is the only capacity in which Mamoru Chiba has ever been remotely useful. Puko keeps on suffocating Sailor Moon because of how beautiful she finds this scene. Okay, balloon girl’s scare factor goes well beyond how she kill people now. And after Mamoru begs her to stop, she says, “It’s all right. Right after I kill her, I will kill you, too.” Ahhhhhhh! Puko has tobe one of the most psychotic Lemures of this season! She’s horrifically insane! And this is only made more eerie with the slow melancholic piano rendition of “Moonlight Densetsu” that plays over this.

Only Usagi Tsukino could kill herself with a stick of bubble gum.

Only Usagi Tsukino could kill herself with a stick of bubble gum.

And it doesn’t even end there! They actually show Usagi falling unconscious due to lack of air! I know there’s way worse stuff on TV, but for a season as slapsticky as Sailor Moon Super S, this is heavy shit. Mamoru shouts, “USAKO!!!” which Saori overhears. So Saori knows who Sailor Moon’s true identity is. Not that she’ll ever appear again, so this won’t affect anything in the long run, like everything else in this season. Mamoru gets out of his knife bind, ripping his precious pink shirt of manliness, and uses a knife to stab Puko, deflating her. Yeah, in hindsight, Tiger’s Eye really should have just killed him.

The day may have been saved, but at the tragic sacrifice of the noble pink shirt.

The day may have been saved, but at the tragic sacrifice of the noble pink shirt.

So finally, Puko is defeated with a good dose of Moon Gorgeous Meditation. As Saori comes to, she sees Sailor Moon running to Mamoru. The next day, at 10 AM apparently, Saori is standing on the bridge of contemplation that is in every fictional town out there. Kobayashi talk to her and asks if she told Mamoru how she feels about him, but Saori shakes her head and gives Kobayashi the tie she bought instead. Ultimately, she has decided that there is no way she can compete with a girl who saves Japan on a regular basis. Hey, points for accepting a loss gracefully. Unfortunately, not a whole lot of points in other areas.

This was a really boring episode to come back to. As the first true filler episode of the season, it offers very little in the way of story, and more importantly, very little character development. The episode is just… there. It doesn’t change Usagi or Mamoru in any way, the subject of Mamoru and Usagi’s relationship has already been done to death in the previous seasons (and much, much better), and Saori fails to come across as anything more than just another one-shot female love interest only there to confirm what the viewers already know, that Mamoru and Usagi love each other and everything. And this episode didn’t do any favors for Chibiusa, either, who just spends the episode whining and shouting, and it doesn’t even lead to a resolution this time. There are certainly worse episodes out there, but I can’t think of any reason not to skip this one entirely.

Next week: We break away from the humans for a bit in Episode 133: Artemis’ Affair? A Mysterious Kitten Appears.

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Revenge of the Nerds TV Pilot

Of all the 80’s comedies to get a sitcom… This one makes a hell of a lot more sense than a sitcom for Weird Science. But still, converting a movie with scenes of panty raids, rape, and laughs that would drill holes in Beavis and Butt-Head doesn’t sound to me like the wisest idea.nerds-title
Revenge of the Nerds was one of the better-regarded raunchy college comedies to follow in the Animal House vein, about (surprise!) a group of outcasts and misfits who resolve to fight back against the jocks who tormented them by forming their own fraternity and winning homecoming to rule the absurdly and criminally powerful school council. Looking back, it really wasn’t a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s heart was in the right place, and as an introverted geeky guy, it felt good to see the nerds accept themselves and get the other students to accept them too. Remember, this was back during the Reagan era, when jocks really did rule the campus, and anyone remotely different from that was ostracized, so this movie really was all we had. Well, not “we” literally, as I was born in 1995, but I still have a pretty big soft spot for the movie. The same can decidedly NOT be said for the sequels.

So that brings us to today’s topic. In 1991, when the RotN franchise had run its course at full speed and drove straight off the track into poison ivy bushes, a pilot for a TV series featuring our favorite nerds Lewis Skolnick and Gilbert Lowe was pitched. Needless to say, it tanked hard, and is now only available on the “Revenge of the Nerds: Fox Really Needs a Few Bucks Edition” (or the Panty Raid Edition, if you like using fake names). Why exactly did the pilot fail to be picked up? Well, you know how to find out the answer, don’t you? Watch it, of course!

In case you thought Josh Saviano became Marilyn Manson.

In case you thought Josh Saviano became Marilyn Manson.

The theme song of this pilot is, to put it bluntly, crap. It’s basically a bunch of barely functional chords bolstering generic lyrics that sound whinier and more nasally than the opening of Death Note. It’s so forgettable, you’re likely to forget how to remember things after listening to it. The opening’s saving grace is the visuals; basically, it’s a bunch of nerdy re-imaginings of famous historical figures, with thick glasses and stuffy shirts and everything. That’s actually pretty amusing and creative, but about halfway through they go into generic sitcom opening fare, with our main heroes singing along with the cheesy theme tune. And it’s the bad kind of cheesy. Where are the Rubinoos when you need them?

Pictured above is the main nerd of the bunch, Lewis Skolnick. His main traits are his positive attitude, his annoyingly awesome laugh, and of course, being the “George Washington of nerds” (coined in Revenge of the Nerds III: the Next Generation, not by me!). Oh, wait, I’m talking about the one played by Robert Carradine, aren’t I? Yeah, I am. This guy, played by Rob Stone, is a walking glasses display. Next.nerds-2This is Gilbert Lowe, Lewis’ best friend, and the more pessimistic of the two. Well, that’s only natural in an alternate universe where “nerds don’t have rights” (again, Revenge of the Nerds III. Say what?). While Lewis was the funnier and more animated of the duo, Gilbert was the true heart and soul of the nerds, the one who in the end brought everyone together to take pride in who they were. I am, of course, talking about Anthony Edwards’ Gilbert. This guy… he looks kinda like Matthew Perry. Next.nerds-3This is Harold Wormser, an eleven-year-old prodigy who wants to study computers because aerodynamics was “too easy”. In the movie, he became fast friends with Lamar Latrelle, the gay black nerd, providing for some adorable moments, especially in the final talent show scene. Sadly, Lamar is nowhere in sight here, and so Wormser has nothing except for his perverted prepubescent mind.nerds-4This… is NOT Dudley “Booger” Dawson. I don’t know who this blond hippie is, but I do know that he is just not Booger. Booger was a rough talking, gruff, nose picking ladies man, and was arguably the most iconic character in the movie, and Curtis Armstrong still has yet to separate himself from his character (he voices Snot from American Dad, who is designed to look like Booger. See the resemblance here? Yeah, me neither.) Whoever this guy is, he’d better get out of here and let Booger take over, or else!nerds-5This is P. T. Turner. He’s a TV-exclusive character, so we’ll be finding out about him shortly. Now let’s get on with some plot! Heh, plot. Yeah, right.

For the record, THIS is Booger Dawson! Curtis Armstrong, you are a god!

For the record, THIS is Booger Dawson! Curtis Armstrong, you are a god!

So the episode begins at Adams College, with Lewis’ narration introducing the main characters. When he gets to Booger, he says, “You’ll be able to pick out Booger on your own.” Followed by laugh track. Yeah, this is the humor we’ll be dealing with. As another example, Gilbert’s first line is, “Oh boy! My poster on the history of mold!” Laugh track. Seriously? At least when Harold Ramis professed his love for mold in Ghostbusters, it was actually funny!

A really, REALLY condensed first grade version of the history of mold.

A really, REALLY condensed first grade version of the history of mold.

Lewis goes into a speech about how at college, brilliant minds such as theirs are valued, and the losers back at high school who made fun of them are working at McDonald’s. Followed by the annoying laugh. Normally, I wouldn’t mind so much, but combine the sound of nerd laughter with track laughter, and I just want to punch the screen real hard. But that would only make me have to explain to my father that he just blew his money on this laptop.

No, you are the fully grown and developed male homo sapien!

No, you are the fully grown and developed male homo sapien!

Lewis assures Gilbert that at college, no one will ever call them nerds ever again. Guess what happens next! Some jock walks by their room and calls them nerds! Hahahahaha! It’s funny because Lewis was contradicted! Lewis starts talking about how they will be raking in babes, and once they enter their room it will be “taking the number time!” What? As they’re discussing how they will handle a girl entering their room, much fake and forced laughter is made of Gilbert being unable to say the word “girl”. They come up with a system in which they hang a necktie with a certain number of knots indicating that there is a girl present. Of course, all this is pointless, as this pilot is basically a remake of the movie, and anyone who’s seen the movie knows that Gilbert and Lewis will not be in this dormitory for much longer.

Girls make Gilbert turn into King Kong.

Girls make Gilbert turn into King Kong.

After this boring exchange, Two jocks walk in, with Booger and Wormser in tow (Wormser having received a wedgie). Wormser schpiels how he “never realized how different the world looks when see from inside your underwear”. Laugh track. Ugh, enough already! How about some of those elusive things called jokes? Lewis, of course, takes this as an elaborate college prank and introduces himself. The lead jock introduces himself as Todd Channing, president of the Alpha Betas. He also introduces the “recording secretary”, Ogre, who looks a hell of a lot like Bulk from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. Wormser responds with, “It must be hard writing while picking ticks from your fur.” Followed by you know what. Rather than making me laugh, all that line did was reaffirm that Grant Gelt cannot act for shit.

So underwear was made from plastic bags in the 80s. I never knew that!

So underwear was made from plastic bags in the 80s. I never knew that!

Todd says that the room is his, and proceeds to start chucking Lewis and Gilbert’s stuff out the window. Like in the movie, the Alpha-Betas’ frat house burned down, and so the jocks are taking over the freshman dorms. Lewis tries to point out that they were assigned the room by their housing contract, but the Alpha Betas are backed by administrative blessing, so the nerds have no choice but to leave. Followed by a REALLY drawn out joke in which Gilbert corrects Todd’s grammar (he used “irregardless”, which isn’t a real word). Just more evidence that the writers have never actually met a real nerd. Or another human being, for that matter.

Grant Gelt continues to not be able to act his way out of his paper-mache underwear, and unsuccessfully tries to burn Ogre, who is carrying Gilbert on his shoulders now. Booger tries his own hand by saying that Ogre is gutless and that he’s “the world’s biggest weenie”. With a pause between the words “biggest” and “weenie”. Just so you know, pauses are only funny if done by William Shatner or Christopher Walken. Because these guys are all annoying and lame, I’m definitely cheering for Ogre on this one as he throws everyone out the window.

Me after I tell people I liked Tales from Earthsea.

Me after I tell people I liked Tales from Earthsea.

Cut to a scene in a lobby in which a bunch of bitchy cheerleaders are laughing over what Ogre did to the nerds. As one of the girls asks why they should keep picking on the nerds, Betty Childs’ (I assume that’s the lead cheerleader’s name coming from the movie) response is, “‘Cause they’re nerds!” Laugh track. Apparently the writers are under the impression that the word “nerd” is inherently funny. Maybe they went on to write TBS commercials for The Big Bang Theory. Or, for that matter, The Big Bang Theory itself.

Ah, the old Sarah Michelle Gellar stare. It works every time.

Ah, the old Sarah Michelle Gellar stare. It works every time.

So the nerds enter the… wherever it is, and see Roommates Wanted notices. But Booger ruins everything when he shouts, “What lucky person gets to live with me?” and everyone immediately removes their notices. Okay, that was actually kind of amusing. Not laugh out loud funny or anything, but I’ll take what I can get. As Lewis notices the cheerleaders, some more lame jokes are made of Gilbert not being able to talk to girls. Booger takes the initiative and puts on his moves. By eating leftovers and drinking ketchup directly from the bottle. Ugh. We get it, Booger’s a slob! Sure, he was one in the movie, too, but Curtis Armstrong managed to give his slob an actual likeable character!

It took 52 takes before he stopped missing the mouth.

It took 52 takes before he stopped missing the mouth.

As Lewis asks the cheerleaders for suggestions on where to live, they respond by jokingly telling them to join a fraternity. Right about here, Todd and Ogre reappear, along with a weak “Ogre is stupid” joke. Intimidated, the nerds try to leave, but Wormser is a little… distracted.

No! Grant Gelt, you have not earned such privileges!

No! Grant Gelt, you have not earned such privileges!

And to make things extra squicky, Grant says the line, “Great pair of A’s”. Argh! Grant Gelt, you are no Leslie Nielsen, and Mr. Peter Baldwin, you are no Zucker brother! So Betty and Todd again try to pick on the nerds by suggesting that they try to be Alpha Betas. Of course, the four are rather hesitant based on what happened earlier, but the cheerleaders of course manage to seduce their way into their consideration.

This is the sexiest dentist appointment ever.

This is the sexiest dentist appointment ever.

So the nerds are all put through a trial to try and get into the Alpha Betas. Basically, the message here is, “Look, we said the word ‘sex’ and we’re pouring water on people in huge glasses! That’s funny, right?” It isn’t. The scene immediately after sees the nerds returning to the lobby-stage set, all covered in tar and feathers. For some reason, a cheering track is played over this. What is the reason for this? It’s not like anyone did anything amazing or had an especially hammy performance or anything. The nerds haven’t even gotten their “revenge” yet!

The following scene is basically a slew of more painfully unfunny jokes, mostly involving Gilbert trying to be Sheldon Cooper and failing miserably. And I hate Sheldon. Finally, Lewis gives an inspirational speech about how he is totally not a loser, and how they should fight back. Guess how everyone else reacts? If you guessed with casual indifference, congratulations, you have officially seen this pilot! In the form of The Big Bang Theory! Eventually, however, the other nerds come around, and they all swear revenge, still in their feathered forms. Commercial break time!

Okay, this amused me, too.

Okay, this amused me, too.

The next scene marks the nerds’ quest to find a national fraternity to sponsor a new chapter for them, this time with Lambda Lambda Lambda. Of course, this is a last resort because no one else would take them. Aw, isn’t blatant discrimination hilarious? Apparently, whoever wrote Revenge of the Nerds III thought so, too. Anyway, the Tri-Lambs are reluctant to take the nerds in because it’s kind of an all-black fraternity and everything. Which makes me wonder where the hell Lamar Latrelle and Takashi Toshiro from the movie are. One of the reasons the movie is still remembered is because it had minority actors cast in featured roles as protagonists who the audience was supposed to root for, back when college movies were white as snow.

Freddy was not the only one who got fingered that day.

Freddy was not the only one who got fingered that day.

P. T. Turner from the credits shows up, as he’s the resident adviser for the Tri-Lambs. He suggests that they work out, to which Booger and Wormser try to demonstrate how “cool” they are. It’s as funny as it sounds. As P. T. tries to measure them up for worthiness of being Tri-Lambdas, he asks Gilbert, “You call that a chest?” to which he responds, “Actually, it’s a place to hang my nipples.” I get that they’re going for Gilbert being the sarcastic snarky guy, but, well, Lightfield Lewis just sucks at it. Hard.

After another rejection joke in which it’s revealed that the engineering fraternity the GEKs (hahaha so clever!) sent them there, Wormser finally takes action and mentions that any students in good standing must be given a 60 day trial for consideration of joining a fraternity. He also threatens the Tri-Lambs with a discrimination lawsuit if they don’t comply. You mean someone actually has to face legal consequences for their actions? Now I know I’m not watching Revenge of the Nerds.

The laugh track thinks this is totally lol-worthy. The laugh track was knocked on its head once.

The laugh track thinks this is totally lol-worthy. The laugh track was knocked on its head once.

So the nerds are given a trial chapter of the Tri-Lamb fraternity with P. T. as their resident adviser. P. T. tries pleads with the fraternity president, saying, “I don’t wanna be with ’em! Even other white people don’t wanna be with ’em!” Somehow, this joke worked better when Jerry Seinfeld was delivering it. So the nerds get their own place, which is actually a former scene of a murder crime. That last part wasn’t in the movie, so kudos to this pilot for at least including something original.

The murderer maded sure that his victim's leg was bent that way as his trademark.

The murderer maded sure that his victim’s leg was bent that way as his trademark.

The first joke made in this new house is Gilbert casually mentioning that he and Lewis casually ran experiments on Lewis’ pet hamster, Puffy, last summer. Laugh track. I really didn’t think there was a nerdy character who could annoy me as much as Sheldon Cooper, but Gilbert takes the cake. Anyway, Lewis is working on a device to help the nerds exercise by triggering involuntary reflexes, essentially “jerking them into shape”. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it the action is reflexive, then not much muscular benefit will result. Could be wrong, though. Gilbert tries it on Puffy, but it flies through the air and crashes into the wall. Of course, it’s just a test dummy, so no harm was done. I’m not entirely sure how Lewis was planning to transition from a test dummy to an actual living, breathing human being, but who cares?

Who knew that reenacting the opening of The Simpsons with hamsters would backfire?

Who knew that reenacting the opening of The Simpsons with hamsters would backfire?

Booger, of course, sees the supposedly dead hamster and thinks it’s cool. The laugh track thinks that this disturbing opinion is funny somehow. As P. T. begins lecturing about being a Tri-Lambda, a brick flies through the window. There is a note that says, “This is your only warning, nerds. Get out or (continued on next brick)”. The next brick just says, “else.”. Okay, that made me laugh more than it probably should have. Though I must question why the Alpha Betas bothered to prepare a second brick if they had enough room to write “continued on next brick” on the first, as “else” takes up much less space”. I guess they just really hate the nerds’ windows.

My reaction to a nude photo.

No clothing present. Does not compute.

As Gilbert, Booger, and Wormser are discouraged by this turn of events, Lewis attempts to rally them together again to stand up as they are Tri-Lambdas now. Of course, P. T. is quick to deny them, saying that there is no hope of them ever being part of any fraternity. Awkward Gilbert Line #746: As P. T. talks about how Tri-Lambdas have “heart” (so they have the lamest powers for summoning Captain Planet?), he asks, “What have you got in there?” to which Gilbert says, “Pen protector, chapstick and some aspirin gum.” I actually wish Lightfield Lewis was Matthew Perry right now.

P. T. then rants about how the nerds will only take further punishment because they’re nerds, “and that’s what nerds do.” He goes on about how nerds get pushed around until they grow up and work for the government to make weapons of mass destruction. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a little too young to have truly appreciated the impact of the original movie, so as an outsider I ask: were people really that deluded back in the 80’s and early 90’s? I know that people were accused of being Satan worshipers because they played Dungeons and Dragons, so anything is possible. Gilbert’s reaction to this speech is a completely out of nowhere “Bwoosh!” sound. Now I’m not entirely sure that Gilbert is a human being. That’s a pretty important part of making these nerds sympathetic, you know.

Gilbert eloquently describing the plot of Pacific Rim.

Gilbert eloquently describing the plot of Pacific Rim.

So the nerds arrange to meet with the Alpha Betas on the day that the cheerleaders are getting their pictures taken for the yearbook. Of course, it just cuts to the day of the revenge, rather than show any buildup or bonding or anything that could get us to know these guys a little more. All I know is that I want Gilbert to get his ass kicked. Booger gets things started by telling the cheerleaders that when the pyramid collapses, he wants to be under it. You just know Curtis Armstrong would have made that line Oscar-worthy.

I see their tuition money largely goes to hamstring pain relief.

I see their tuition money largely goes to hamstring pain relief.

So the Alpha Betas arrive, and are about to bust them some nerds, when P. T. intervenes. Aw, how sweet! He still puts his duty ahead of his personal feelings after all! However, Lewis simply tells him to back off and let them handle this. And so Lewis threatens Todd with a cold, squinty stare. Actually, the laugh track is making him seem less badass than he should. Go figure. Finally, we get into a fairly lame Mexican standoff parody. By “Mexican standoff parody”, I mean “the two groups stand there and stare at each other while a hollow rendition of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly‘s theme song plays”. Somehow, this fails to generate the same amount of suspense and chills as in the actual movie The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. The laugh track actually shows some surprising restraint by only playing once throughout this whole thing. That’s progress!

Ten points if that face is only a mask and the real Booger Dawson is under there!

Ten points if that face is only a mask and the real Booger Dawson is under there!

The awkward silence finally ends with Lewis saying, “Go ahead. Make my semester!” Because what you are doing is clearly more noble and badass than anything that pussy Harry Callahan ever did. We’re on a roll with the shallow Clint Eastwood references here! As the jocks prepare to attack, the nerds all take out their newly developed “exercise devices” from earlier and make the jocks jerk around until they run out scared. Again, the laugh track must have grown a brain, because it doesn’t play over this incredibly forced and ill-conceived slapstick. But at least P. T. accepts them now! And even better news: the names of the Executive Producers flashing across the screen! It’s over!

They see me Mollin. They hatin'...

They see me Mollin. They hatin’…

Well, not quite. There is, in typical sitcom format, a post-credits scene, complete with Awkward Gilbert Line #16,384: As Lewis declares that they will be the coolest fraternity on campus, Wormser (the little shithead) adds, “the one that gets all the babes!” and Gilbert adds, “The one that gets all the flu shots!” Where did that even come from? It’s funny because he likes flu shots? This thing finally ends once and for all when Booger uses the exercise device to make the cheerleader pyramid topple on top of him right when their photo is taken. So the earlier commotion didn’t make them transfer their photo location? Whatever, it’s actually over, no time to think about this anymore!

So that was Revenge of the Nerds, the TV pilot. Why wasn’t it picked up? Well, because there are plenty of TV shows that it had to compete with for a TV slot, and the one to get picked would probably have to have something memorable about it, which this episode sorely lacks. The likeable characters from the movie are now boiled down to walking punchlines, losing out on what made audiences want to see them win in the movie. Wormser, in particular, suffers the most. Granted, he didn’t have much personality in the movie, either, but his relationship with Lamar Latrelle was still fun to see develop on the side. Here, he doesn’t even have a line for an entire scene. And of course, there’s Gilbert, who went from being the voice of reason and the true heart and soul of the movie to a human punching bag. And Booger… you already know about that one. The only nerd with any of his personality retained from the movie is Lewis, and it’s not nearly enough to compensate. P. T. Turner is another token black sitcom archetype, and is also not very memorable. Richard E. Gant isn’t half bad an actor, but the material he has to work with is lacking, to say the least.

The jokes are mostly relegated to throwaway one liners that leave one’s head the instant they are heard, and the final showdown with the jocks feels like a quick fix rather than a resolution. It seems that the priority is not to get us to sympathize with and get to know the nerds, but to spew out “witty” dialogue that is certainly not what the writers think it is. The movie may have been crass and crude, but it knew that the characters came first.

And so our break from Sailor Moon ends unceremoniously and unremarkably. Next week, we return to the Opinionated Sailor Moon Super S Retrospective with Episode 132 – A Couple Made for Each Other! Usagi and Mamoru’s Love. Wow, it must have taken all day to come up with that title.

OSMSSR: Episode 131 – Capture the Pegasus! The Amazons’ Trap

So Interstellar and Big Hero 6 being released went completely under my radar. I have been out of it for sure. Heck, if not for John Li, I’d still be in the dust.
131-title
This episode begins in Zirconia’s circus, where a lot of monsters seems to like juggling sharp objects. As usual, Zirconia tells everyone to quiet down, in what I’m pretty sure is the exact same footage as episode 128. Zirconia calls upon the Amazon Trio to chew them out for not being able to locate Pegasus. Except they kinda have, they just always run like sissies when he appears because their precious Lemures just got axed. Zirconia declares that she has lost faith in the Trio, but Hawk’s Eye tells her that if the three actually work together for a change, they can capture Pegasus. They’re not going to make a habit out of it, of course.
In the next bar scene, Tiger’s Eye decides that his next target will be Naru Osaka, Usagi’s initial best friend before meeting the other Inner Sailor Senshi. During this exchange, Hawk’s Eye claims to have one “final tactic” that will ensure that they capture Pegasus this time around, but will only reveal it when the time comes. Yeah, a “final tactic” four episodes in. I can see this going so well. Tiger’s Eye leaves to put the moves on a middle school girl. Japan, everyone!

My heterosexuality just got murdered.

My heterosexuality just got murdered.

So cut to the Frozen Beach ice cream parlor, where Naru is waiting for a date with her boyfriend Gurio Umino, a really nerdy guy who was also friends with Usagi before she met the other Inner Senshi. The two started dating in the middle of season 1, and since then some of the most adorable moments in the entire series have come from these two. Here is where Tiger’s Eye decides to step in, and flatter the hell out of Naru. And then he asks her out. It’s a lot more direct than the harihari pickles story from last episode, I must say.

Jacket: $650 Shoes: $2.50

Jacket: $650
Shoes: $2.50

However, right about then Umino comes by, and Naru goes and grabs his arm. Tiger’s Eye’s reaction is the most epic thing imaginable. As Naru and Umino walk by, Tiger’s Eye just explodes, yelling about how beautiful he is and that Naru choosing that nerdy boy in the freakishly huge glasses is just about the worst thing to happen since the Crusades. The ham in this scenario could feed a room full of bull dogs.

Rejection makes me constipated!

Rejection makes me constipated!

So we go back to the bar where time stands still, where Hawk’s Eye and Fisheye are laughing their asses off at Tiger’s Eye losing a girl to freakin’ Umino. And, you know, for not checking to see if Pegasus is in her dream. But the day these guys actually focus on their work is the day that James Cameron starts handing out sweets to everyone. Of course, Tiger’s Eye makes the excuse that if Naru can’t understand how beautiful he is, then she can’t have a beautiful dream. Wow. If Zirconia heard that, these losers would have had their asses fired on the spot, and we could have been saved a lot of pain.
Hawk’s Eye decides that this is a good time to show off the “final tactic” that he mentioned earlier. Turns out it’s a cage with some lights in it. But it’s no ordinary cage. Apparently, because Pegasus doesn’t exist as a material being in the real world, by running dark energy through stuff, somehow Pegasus can get captured. It makes as much sense as anything Levar Burton has ever said. The plan is to use Naru as bait so that when Pegasus appears, they bust out the cage and capture Pegasus.

In case hunky guys and dark energy balls turn you on.

In case hunky guys and dark energy balls turn you on.

Cut to Naru in a bookstore, where she finds a textbook about nursing. Tiger’s Eye sees this, and decides that the best approach is to pretend to be a meek and mild-mannered guy with not much time left to live, appealing to her nursing sensibilities.

And exactly what does pouring honey on flowers have to with cherries? Or boys?

And exactly what does pouring honey on flowers have to with cherries? Or boys?

As Naru is walking outside, Tiger’s Eye meets up with her and says he is glad to have met her again. Naru’s response is, “Have I met you somewhere before?” ICE BURN!!! Tiger’s Eye continues to ham it up flattering Naru, and finally ends with him saying that he has three months left to live. Now that’s a little more in line with the harihari pickles story. So Tiger’s Eye gets all melodramatic again and asks Naru to be his girlfriend for a bit. To which I would probably run to the police, but it’s Japan, who how often this happens. Commercial break time!

Unfortunately for Tiger's Eye, the Body Snatchers got her before he did.

Unfortunately for Tiger’s Eye, the Body Snatchers got her before he did.

The next scene takes place at Hikawa Shrine, after Naru has told everyone about her situation. The girls wonder what Naru will do considering that she already has a boyfriend, with Rei pointing out that sympathy and love are different things. Naturally, this once again develops into an fight between Usagi and Chibiusa, promting Naru to just leave. A fat lot of good the Inner Senshi were this time around!

Artemis looking as invested as usual.

Artemis looking as invested as usual.

Later, on a street bridge, Naru is contemplating what to say to Umino. When Umino actually does show up, the actual words she says to him are offscreen. Umino leaves crying his ultra exaggerated nerd tears, so I assume she put as delicately as possible. The other girls are there to “comfort” her, I guess. It’s not like they really do much in this episode anyway. Meanwhile, Chibiusa walks by Mog Mog Burger (selling fast food made from moogles) doing… plot things, and she eyes Umino drowning himself in fifteen milkshakes. She’s pretty disgusted.

And just what is this "SMSS" that airs at 7:00 PM every night?

And just what is this “SMSS” that airs at 7:00 PM every night?

The next scene, Tiger’s Eye starts by materializing out of thin air… right where Naru can presumably see him. Of course, nothing comes of this, but damn. Tiger’s Eye sucks at his job worse than I ever remembered. Naru tells him that Umino really means a lot to her, and so she can’t bring herself to keep hurting him. But of course, Tiger’s Eye only really wants her to “have a fleeting moment of fun with me.” Okay, that’s it! Show, you have gone way too far this time! I don’t care about cultural differences, that was just wrong!

It turns out Germatoid survived last season and has possessed Umino! (I wish..)

It turns out Germatoid survived last season and has possessed Umino! (I wish..)

And in what can only be described as a Crowning Moment of Awesome, as Tiger’s Eye prepares to kiss her, Naru instinctively shoves him HARD out of the way, and he lands flat on his ass. Way to go, Naru Osaka! Show the creepy guy who’s cool! Of course, right after that is when Tiger’s Eye decides that it’s time to reveal himself. You know what I mean by that. Oh, and Luna’s been watching. Yeah.

The background is really starting to pick up on his style.

The background is really starting to pick up on his style.

As Chibiusa and Usagi are walking together, continuing to do important plot things, Luna arrives, telling them that Naru is being attacked. Usagi just shrugs and says, “Big deal, this is like the 50th time this happened,” and transforms. No, not really, she reacts with the same sense of urgency she always does, and transforms. Meanwhile, Tiger’s Eye is… well, doing what he always does. No description is really needed.

Tiger's Eye is not raising my opinion of professional wrestling.

Um, did no one think that drawing at this angle would set some people off?

Apparently, Naru’s dreams are so beautiful that Tiger’s Eye is actually jealous. This is actually a subtle hint at the Amazon Trio’s future character development. It doesn’t have too satisfying a payoff. So after the usual “In the name of the moon” speech, Tiger’s Eye sends out his latest Lemure, Otedamanko. She is a juggler who juggles objects that explode when they touch the ground. Her attack basically consists of her throwing stuff for people to attempt to juggle. Of course, it’s Usagi and Chibiusa that she’s throwing said stuff to, so Sailor Moon and Chibi Moon are screwed.

The basic reception of the Sailor Moon musicals.

The basic reception of the Sailor Moon musicals.

So because the Sailor Senshi have no hope of defeating Otedamanko on their own, Chibi Moon once again resorts to calling upon Pegasus. This time, however, as Pegasus is coming down, Tiger’s Eye sets down Hawk’s Eye’s dark energy cage, and Pegasus goes right in. But of course, Hawk’s Eye’s technobabble earlier was for naught, because Pegasus just waltzes right through the dark energy field and the bars of the cage, laughing his ass off along the way (in a metaphorical sense, because a literal sense would imply Pegasus displaying a personality). Tiger’s Eye is infuriated that he believed something that Hawk’s Eye said, and leaves the rest to Otedamanko. So the “final tactic” that was built up in the beginning of the episode has a payoff that doesn’t raise the stakes at all, doesn’t change any of the characters in any way, and doesn’t affect anything in the long run. Wonderful.

Something is wrong with this beef jerky!

Something is wrong with this beef jerky!

As Otedamanko is about to throw knives at the Senshi, guess who finally shows up after not appearing in this episode at all? Why, Tucedo Kamen, of course! With no buildup or anything! As usual, he’s just there to make speeches and throw roses. So finally, it’s time for the last stock footage attack. As Naru is saved, Naru looks up to see Pegasus flying off into the metaphorical distance. The mystery of what Pegasus is continues to be sorta kinda built up.

He may not forgive bad guys, but shoes will not forgive him for burning their soles off.

He may not forgive bad guys, but those shoes will not forgive him for burning their soles off.

The last scene is at Umino’s house, where Umino has got an upset stomach for obvious reasons. Naru assures Umino that she likes all the things about him, even his neuroticism. She then shows him what she brought along: a milkshake. Umino doesn’t take it too well… Wow, a badass, and a troll. Naru Osaka’s awesomeness transcends the bounds of Sailor Moon Super S mediocrity and becomes something else altogether! And that’s what this episode is. Mediocrity.

The truth behind the German expressionist masterpiece: it was a milkshake.

The truth behind the German expressionist masterpiece: it was a milkshake.

Once again, the main issue that plagues the majority of this season is present. The series is building up something happening, only for very little to actually happen. You’d think with a title like Capture the Pegasus! The Amazons’ Trap, something would occur to make things more difficult for the Sailor Senshi, give the audience more reason to believe that the villains should be taken more seriously. But no. By the end, it’s business as usual, and nothing substantial comes from it. If there was one word to describe these early episodes of Sailor Moon Super S, “stagnant” comes to mind.

As for the filler subplot, well, it’s okay, I guess. I could have used a lot more Naru and Umino interacting, because the adorableness of their relationship reached cosmic levels in previous seasons. Here, Tiger’s Eye hitting on Naru almost seems like a hollow throwback to the Nephrite arc back in season 1, and as a filler plot it of course isn’t nearly as emotionally poignant. In the end, it feels like another example of the villains getting in the way of things more than being menacing as villains. Not helping things is the fact that this is the last appearance of Naru and Umino outside of a brief scene in Sailor Moon Super S the Movie, and it doesn’t really feel like a proper sendoff for these two.

Next week: We take a break from Sailor Moon for something nerdier. Yes, even nerdier than a grown-ass man bitching about 90’s magical girl anime on the internet. See you then!

OSMSSR: Episode 130 – Protect a Mother’s Dream! The New Attack for Double Moon

Once again, this is the third episode of Sailor Moon that I’m recapping. The first two episode recaps can be found at http://yanrecapsstuff.blogspot.com/2014/10/osmssr-episode-128-meeting-of-fate.html and http://yanrecapsstuff.blogspot.com/2014/10/osmssr-episode-129-super.html. I was just about done with this recap too before Blogger decided to ditch me. Moving on.130-title

So the episode begins once again with Chibiusa seeing stock footage of flying Pegasus, who tells her to hurry up and save the Crystal Forest from being turned black by the “darkness in the sky”. This being Super S, “hurry” is the last thing that anyone will do. Also, this Crystal Forest referred to by Pegasus will only be seen once in the entire season, as a brief vehicle for more exposition. Rewatching this season is not making me like Pegasus any more than I ever did! At least the music is nice…

Ah! Sailor Moon's been bought by Tri-Star Pictures!

Ah! Sailor Moon’s been bought by Tri-Star Pictures!

After the episode title screen, Usagi comes home from… some plot-mandated place that dictates that she be away from home in order to open the door and scream, “I’m home!” She excitedly runs into the kitchen after sniffing out her mother Ikuko’s lemon pie. However, by the time she gets there, all the pie is gone. If only Usagi wasn’t hanging out at the plot-mandated place that dictates she be out of the house so that she could open the door and yell, “I’m home!” Narrative convention can be a bitch.

Lemon pie: how lunatic killers are born.

Lemon pie: how lunatic killers are born.

Chibiusa claims that the pie was a reward for her and Usagi’s brother Shingo getting perfect scores on their most recent exams. Usagi tries to play the “you guys have easier work” card, but Ikuko shoves her test that she thought she had hid under her bed into her face. Again, how awfully convenient for these three kids to have tests at almost the exact same time for such drama to unfold. Unless the Japanese education is really like that, in which case I apologize for my ignorance.

Truly this is conflict worthy of Shakespeare.

Truly this is conflict worthy of Shakespeare.

As it turns out, Ikuko didn’t bake the pie as a reward for the tests, and actually did divide it for everyone, Usagi included. Naturally, Usagi throws a fit, and Chibiusa continues to taunt her. This eventually transfers into an argument with Ikuko, who tells Usagi that she should be more mature over such petty matter as the elder child. Of course, asking Usagi to be mature about anything is like asking a snake to a handstand, and she takes this to mean that Chibiusa is more precious to Ikuko than she is. Deeply hurt, Usagi rushes out of the house in tears, yelling “Mom, you’re an idiot!” And then immediately comes back in because she forgot her umbrella. Nice. Despite the over-the-top nature of Usagi’s facial expressions, much of the conflict found in this scene feels genuine and relatable, and the frustrations on both ends of the argument and understandable and sympathetic. If only the rest of the season was written this well.

I never realized just how much nightmare fuel is really in this show.

I never realized just how much nightmare fuel is really in this show.

The next scene is in the fruit parlor, where Usagi continues to vent her frustrations. Her friends assure her that Ikuko really does cherish all of her children, and point out that Chibiusa is living away from her parents (technically, that’s not true, but whatever), so she naturally would want attention. The scene ends with Usagi simply looking down, thinking about what her friends have just said. While this show is pretty notorious for being flashy and overblown at times, it is the silent, subtle moments like this that really make it all worthwhile.

Meanwhile, at the Circus Tent, our boring Miniboss squad interrupts the subplot that’s actually quite interesting to continue to talk about finding people with beautiful dreams under the assumption that only attractive people have them. Since Hawk’s Eye likes older women, naturally he decides to go after Ikuko, saying that “Older women are more accepting, and therefore are better to fool around with!” What, did Gary Brodsky write these guys’ dialogue?

The animators were really in a tongue drawing mood, weren't they?

The animators were really in a tongue drawing mood, weren’t they?

Back to the plot that’s actually engaging, Chibiusa is wondering if Usagi is still mad. She goes to talk to Ikuko, so is organizing old family photos (“family photos” here meaning photos of Usagi). Although amused at first, Chibiusa becomes distraught there aren’t any pictures of her. Ikuko label the pictures as records of her dream that all three of her kids grow up to be strong and healthy. Not that that’s not a beautiful dream or anything, because it absolutely is, but wouldn’t it logically make sense for the Amazon Trio to scout out all the mothers in the world to search for beautiful dreams? Of course, expecting logic out of those guys is a pretty unrealistically high expectation.

Anyway, Ikuko shows Chibiusa her favorite of the photos, which is one of all the Tsukino family members, Chibiusa included. Did Chibiusa forget that she took this picture or something? Because otherwise she wouldn’t have to worry about not being in one. Upon seeing this, Chibiusa apologizes for eating all of the pie earlier, and says that Usagi might not come back. Ikuko assures her that Usagi will return when she’s hungry, and tells Chibiusa to apologize to her then. Yet another amazing scene in an episode that is full of them (so far). And none of them involve the Amazon Trio. As it should be.

Hi, I'm Usagi! Wanna play? I'm your friend till the end!

Hi, I’m Usagi! Wanna play? I’m your friend till the end!

Cut to Usagi continuing to ponder her friends’ words before deciding to head home. Short, but sweet. Meanwhile, Chibiusa and Ikuko have bought a truckload of lemons to bake more lemon pies with, ostensibly to entice Usagi home with the smell. You know, because lemons are all that are needed for pie. Who needs milk, flour, and sugar anyway? Unless Ikuko already has those lying around, what do I know? Hawk’s Eye is watching from the bushes (I’ll just leave it at that, okay?), and uses his magic to make the lemons rip through the bottom of the shopping bag. Hawk’s Eye then, in the guise of a civilian, pretends to try to help with the lemons, before “mistaking” Ikuko for his long lost mother from who he was separated at birth.

Um... are you sure that's not your great grandmother?

Um… are you sure that’s not your great grandmother?

Hawk’s Eye then pretends to faint from hunger due to not having eaten in a while. He claims to want harihari pickles because that was what his “mother” often made him earlier, prompting Chibiusa to leave to go buy some. Yes. This entire ruse was to get rid of Chibiusa. There is absolutely no way that could have backfired at all. It’s commercial break time!

After the break, Chibiusa meets up with Usagi, and explains the situation. This happens off screen, so that we can divert our attention away from the two girls who have actual drama going on to focus on the incredibly interesting sight of Hawk’s Eye continuing to put the moves on Ikuko. Of course, it turns into Hawk’s Eye revealing himself. No, that’s not what I meant by “revealing himself”!

For male Sailor Moon villains, this is what passes as a shirt. Let it burn into your skull.

For male Sailor Moon villains, this is what passes as a shirt. Let it burn into your skull.

One henshin sequence and “in the name of the moon” speech later (with the latter occurring with some really conveniently showy shadow effects), Hawk’s Eye calls out his first Lemure of the season, Dokanko, to attack Sailor Moon and Chibi Moon. Dokanko is basically a monster version of those “human cannon balls” you see at the circus. Or at least in Japanese animation’s version of a circus. Do actual circuses do that kind of thing? I may have to check that out.

Our regular art director is out sick today, so his accountant brother will replace him.

Our regular art director is out sick today, so his accountant brother will replace him.

As Dokanko launches herself the first time, Sailor Venus pulls the two out of the way with Venus Love-Me Chain. Turns out all the other Sailor Senshi (plus some other guy in a suit) got here too sometime. Yay. To this, Hawk’s Eye angrily mutters, “Dammit, one after another!” Um, the other Senshi all came at once. Do you not know what one after another means? Anyway, Dokanko launches herself again through the power of reused footage. Sailor Jupiter tries to use Sparkling Wide Pressure, but as usual, it’s completely obsolete. Super S, you continue to astound me with how respectfully you treat the other Inner Senshi.

What satisfied customers look like after purchasing their Sailor Moon merchandise.

What satisfied customers look like after purchasing their Sailor Moon merchandise.

After another pointless scene in which Chibi Moon tries to charge up and save Ikuko by herself, only to be mildly scratched by a launch from Dokanko, she uses Pink Sugar Heart Attack on Hawk’s Eye, which mildly scratches him, too. Chibi Moon declares that she will protect her second mother. Hawk’s Eye is about to backhand her when, in one of the most awesome moments of this episode, Sailor Moon just runs up and slugs him in the face!

This show really never wastes an opportunity to show off, does it?

This show really never wastes an opportunity to show off, does it?

Sailor Moon tries to finish off Hawk’s Eye using Moon Spiral Heart Attack, but oh my god, that attack is like, SO last season, so of course it doesn’t work. Hawk’s Eye shoots fire back at Moon and Chibi Moon, and Dokanko continues to blast herself at the other Inner Senshi, who are basically just sitting back and watching. So Hawk’s Eye finally sees that Pegasus is not in Ikuko’s dream, and he leaves the rest to Dokanko, who is about to fire herself at Ikuko. This finally prompts Chibi Moon to once again call upon the power of Deux ex Pegasus, who is happy to oblige. He gives the two the new ability to transform using the phrase, “Moon Crisis Make Up!”, and a new stock henshin sequence.

Oh my god! The Sailor Senshi have no irises!

Oh my god! The Sailor Senshi have no irises!

And it doesn’t end there, either! They each get new items, too, namely the Kaleidomoon Scope and the Crystal Carillon. With these two items, the Sailor Senshi can now… call upon Pegasus’ name and have him appear on screen for a bit to do Pegasusy things while Sailor Moon uses her stock footage attack. In other words, EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID IN THE FIRST TWO EPISODES! God damn it, even when something “happens” in the Pegasus plotline, nothing happens! At least the attack has a name now, Moon Gorgeous Meditation. So Sailor Moon shouts some words randomly picked from the English dictionary, and Dokanko falls to a cracked TV screen.

Oh don't mind me. Just another winged unicorn going about his daily business.

Oh don’t mind me. Just another winged unicorn going about his daily business.

So now that the boring, uninteresting “plot” stuff has gotten out of the way, the last scene is reserved for more lemon pie antics. Ikuko has baked another lemon pie for everyone, because the other Inner Senshi (plus a college student dating a middle schooler) truly earned it by being oh so useful in the battle that just transpired. After noticing that Chibiusa’s slice is bigger than hers, Usagi tries to trade, which goes as well as you’d expect. After Usagi tries playing the “I’m in the middle of a growth spurt” card…

Chibiusa, you are the best kind of asshole!

Chibiusa, you are the best kind of asshole!

Pretty soon, this develops into an incoherent shouting match between all the girls, finally interrupted by Ikuko, who just tells them shut up and eat the damn pie. This leads to a bizarre scene in which everyone tells Ikuko that her pie is delicious in unison. This is bizarre because “everyone” includes Mamoru… except that there was no audible male voice her in the collective shout of “Delicious!” So Mamoru either has a damn good girl’s voice, or he just got kicked really hard in the balls. Either way, it’s eerie.

All of this insanity is followed by Usagi asking the episode-justifying question, which mother does Chibiusa like more, Ikuko or her actual mother? Chibiusa’s response is obvious, both. Chibiusa asks for seconds, to which Usagi says that the rest is for Ikuko, Shingo, and the not seen since Season 1 father Kenji. Chibiusa’s response…

This has to be something she got from her father.

This has to be something she got from her father.

And everyone laughs. The end.

Due to the various interludes peppered throughout the recap, it should be clear that I think that this episode is a vast improvement over the first two. But it still has issues. In fact, those issues are pretty much the same exact problems that the first two episodes suffered from. The basic problem is that the ongoing plot of the season is just not interesting. At all. To the point where it feels that the villains are just getting in the way more than they are acting as a legitimate threat. And with a filler plot that’s this good, the gimmicky second half of this episode just feels more hollow. Let’s not forget, of course, Pegasus supposedly giving Sailor Moon and Chibi Moon new powers, when all he has really done is give them a new stock attack that is exactly what they did before anyway. Again, what was accomplished by putting this off to the third episode rather than just giving them the new attack in the premiere? Dividing out things like that isn’t good pacing, it’s just spreading a small amount of butter over a ginormous slice of bread.

But with all that said, the filler plot of this episode is damn good. After two episodes of fairly standard romance plots that are common in this show anyway, here we have a surprisingly touching and genuine conflict between a daughter and a mother. Usagi and Ikuko’s relationship was often played for laughs in earlier seasons, but here, Ikuko’s caring and gentle nature is treated with the respect and awe that such a person deserves. This is probably the only focus episode Ikuko has in the series, and it’s wonderful to get to know her better as more than that purple-haired woman who flashes Usagi’s crappy test grades to the screen. Chibiusa is a lot more likable and sympathetic here, something she hasn’t really consistently been since Sailor Moon R. Whereas the last episode took on the pretense of an important followup episode to the premiere, when it really wasn’t anything special, this episode feels more like knows that it is a filler episode, and so it works better.
Now why the hell did Kenji never get a focus episode? Did Naoko Takeuchi not talk to her father a whole lot?
Next week: Episode 131 – Capture the Pegasus! The Amazons’ Trap

Another Obligatory Introductory Post

Hello, people!

Previously, Yan Recaps Stuff had originated on Blogger at http://yanrecapsstuff.blogspot.com (and I clearly have gotten more creative since then). However, due to some unforseen complications with that site, I have decided to try out WordPress instead, and so far it seems to be going fine.

For those who don’t know me, I am a college student who likes to ramble about stuff. My true loves are rubber monsters, magical girl warriors, and anything that wows me with its awesomeness.

Fairly recently, I had started an Opinionated Sailor Moon Super S Retrospective recounting the events of the season of Sailor Moon that everyone loves to not like quite as much as the others. The details can be seen at http://yanrecapsstuff.blogspot.com/2014/09/opinionated-sailor-moon-super-s.html. Before the Blogger connection problems set in, I had finished recapping the first two episodes of the series. I may post them on here, but for now I plan to just continue where I left off, so if you want read any of my old stuff, yanrecapsstuff.blogspot.com is the place to go to.

I am associated and sorta kinda partnered with the Movies with John Li page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/movieswithjohn. Be sure to visit that page if you haven’t; it’s pretty awesome.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you have, and I hope to entertain or inform at least somebody in the future. Some time later I should have the next Sailor Moon recap up, but until then, have a nice day!